Now a Mummy!

Dear Babyme,

It is now officially Ramadhan. Alhamdulillah. It will be the last Ramadhan where there will only be me and your ftaher in the family because insya Allah, you will join us for the next Ramadhan, insya Allah.

Your father and I thought that instead of the usual trip to the masjid for terawih, I will be staying at home to do terawih prayers on my own and at my own pace. We have also decided that I will try to fast as much as I can but in case I don’t feel good or you start complaining, I will break my fast. Keeping both of us healthy is of course, our utmost priority. I will wait for your father to come back later and maybe, we will have a chat with you and teach you to give me signals if you need food. Afterall, you have been very good at telling me to slow down when you think I am doing too much. Hehe.

Oh, I forgot to tell you about our last trip to the clinic. Alhamdullilah, my glucose level is ‘okay’ said the doctor, albeit it being on the borderline for the after glucose drink incident. Apparently, I am not really glucose tolerant so I have to cut back on most of my favourites. I also heard your heartbeat again, the nurse was impressed with the sound of it and actually let me heard it for a longer than they would usually let you. We pray you continue to be healthy, love.

Now that you’re approaching 7 months, we have been asked to go to the doctors fortnightly instead of from 8 months. The reason for this is that the doctor is just worried that my asthma might decide to make an appearance plus I was just told that it is in the family that births tend to happen at 7 months. While it would be nice to have you in our arms sooner, I think you will be much better off if you stay inside me until December, don’t you think? But if you do decide to make an appearance before that, we will of course smother you with more kisses than you can imagine but might cringe when you’re much older. Hehe. So you choose :p

Your Babu Rina has asked a picture of me with you. Your father has kindly took a picture of us and I was surprised how big I am now, which means how big you’ve grown in the past weeks! I will post that picture as soon as your father processes it as it is still in RAW format. Don’t ask what it means as I, myself, still don’t understand.

I am now going to rest and hopefully, not fall asleep before your father comes home from the mosque.

Love you little one. Baby hugs and kisses from the both of us.

Dear babyme,

You are now 25 weeks. That is 6 months and a week old. They said that if you’re to born now, insya Allah, with intensive care you will be able to become a healthy baby. Of course, if it is your time to see the world, who are we to stop Allah’s plans but we pray that you will stay inside me for at least another 12 weeks but 15 weeks will be much better.

Your father and I have been looking at things to buy for you and listing out what to buy. While preparation for your birth including labour scares me a bit but I think I am more scared of not being able to be a good mother. Worrying that I might drop you is one thing but worrying that I might not be able to give you the best life a child should ever have worries me more.

What if I accidentally screamed at you? Will you hate me for the rest of your life?

What if we send you to the wrong school? Will you be disadvantaged?

What if we spoil you too much? Will you turn into a brat?

What if we are strict with you? Will you turn into a rebel?

What if working takes up too much of our time? Will you love other people more than your parents?

What if? What if? What if?

‘Ya Allah, kami bersyukur engkau telah memurahkan rezeki kami dan memberi kami kandungan ini. Peliharakanlah kandungan ku ini, jauhilah kamu berdua daripada segala penyakit, semoga anak dalan kandungan ku ini akan menjadi anak yang soleh, anak yang sihat, anak yang beriman, anak yang bertakwa, anak yang patuh kepada arahan mu. Ya Allah, hanya kepada mu aku memohon.’

While my malay is not that great (ask your father. hehe.), I am sure, insya Allah, Allah knows what is deep in my heart. My prayers for you, my wishes, my hopes and most of all, my fears.

Lots of love and baby kisses.

p.s. it seems like you really enjoy your father putting you to sleep at night (by tapping and rubbing on my tummy before we go to sleep every night). you will kick and play with him for  a bit before going all quiet until when the alarm goes off in the morning, where you will then start kicking me again. few nights ago, you were quiet all day until later in the evening. when it was time to go to sleep. when i asked your father to put you to sleep, he said to let you play first. he fell asleep not long after that and you only slept at 3am! I am going to make sure your father puts you to sleep everynight now. I read somewhere that we can start training your sleeping pattern even before you’re born. we’ll try and see if it really works. hehe. be good now. we love you!